"A weak woman goes where she is smiled at, well I never seen a smile quite like yours..." - Oshun
Love had been a distorted concept in my mind for some time. It was an abstract drug I wanted to dive head first in whenever I saw the opportunity. Years of my youth birthed cravings of chemical reactions fueled from a new fling, or flame. Connection and oneness was the invisible remedy to my unconscious goose chase of external affairs.
The beauty of my journey was fully witnessed through a comment a childhood friend made the other day. It had been three years since we've seen each other, and her first remark was confirmation on how far I've come.
" So who are you dating now girl, you're always in a relationship!"
Unbeknownst to her, I was very much dating myself and loving every minute of it.
Yet, she was right. I always found myself up under somebody for months to years at a time. Never by myself, learning who I was or wanted to be. It always had to be "we" or "he" , never just, "I."
The fear of being alone was a manifestation of a skewed concept that meant I was without love.
Meaning that I was in lack, and not abundant in this emotion.
Vampiric sort to speak.
It took a union of another to make me whole, which was a draining lifestyle to uphold.
Through discipline in my martial and meditative arts I learned that I am the Creator of whichever emotion I choose to let guide me. Learning this, I decided to make love relevant in the majority of what I do. It is still a task that I am mastering, yet it has shown fruitful in my daily life through communion.
Any communion consists of a practice or ritual. It's a unified concept of becoming one with the subject or occasion. With the many languages and definitions of this abstract yet very concrete energy, how does one commit to a lifestyle of love?
Depends on how bad you want it.
Like a skill, it comes naturally for some, takes practice for others.
Whatever feeling you designate to the term, must be generated on a consistent basis.
(If you find yourself struggling in this area of course.)
Start with smiling.
What feeling does your smile generate within you?
Whatever it feels like, hold it for a period of time.
If you do not feel an emotion, simply create one that you can imagine would be felt if you were in love, and or gazing at something or someone you love. The primary focus is the feeling, further commune with it when you wake up each day. As you get dressed, wash dishes, gaze at people, the environment. Hold that feeling of your energetic perception of love.
It will fade at times, but your continuous practice of familiarizing your body and mind with it will transform not only your perception, but your experience with love.
Thirsting for external people or circumstances to generate love within you will be unnecessary.
It is now of, and apart of you.